What I Need Right Now Is…a Star

Every wish that I’ve ever made has lead me to you and I thank God for the broken road that I travelled to lead me to you

*sigh*

I’m not even about to hit y’all with an introduction this time around. I can honestly say that I’m not in the mood to make my particular brand of lighthearted if one sided banter. So…let’s get it.

♥

I make the wishes that I make in memory of Jay.

When we were younger, An American Tail was one of our favorite movies and we used to drive his family crazy whenever we watched it because we had to recite every line and sing every song.

About a year or so before he passed away, we were watching the movie and trying to act as though he had all the time in the world left to live. When the movie got to my favorite song “Somewhere Out There” he let the scene play then paused the movie. Turning to me, Jay asked me if I knew what the song was saying. Smart ass that I am, I gave him my signature “why don’t you break it down for me since I’m so slow” look and told him that I had no clue what it meant.

Giving me his “why you gotta be so damn difficult” look, he told me:

No matter what happens, no matter where you go or what you do in life, there’s gonna be someone out there that loves you no matter what. Someone who may have never met you is saying a prayer for you right now in hopes that they will meet you one day. They’re saying a prayer because they know that you’re out there waiting for them. They may not know who or where you are, but they know that somewhere, maybe near and maybe far, you’re out there and they’re waiting to meet you. The very thought of you could be the only thing that’s helping this person get by

At this point, he stood, grabbed me by the hand and dragged me out to the backyard.
[which I was not happy about, it was cold as shxt that night]

Once we were in the yard, he told me to look up. Doing so, he told me to make a wish for that as yet, unknown person. Without turning around to look at him, I told him that if any wishing was going to be done that night, it would be a wish for him.

“You gotta get used to the fact that I’m not gonna be here forever Ren, I have. It’s not all about me and it’s not even all about you. It’s about the other person too.”

“Why should I care about someone I don’t even know?”

“Because they care enough to do the same for you.”

Knowing that I’d never be able to win with him, I found my star and I said my wish…

Three and a half years later, it came true.

♥

Day Five: No Strings Attached

*sigh*

Fuck an intro. I tried to write one but the words wouldn’t come out the right way and there isn’t enough time to worry about silly shxt like that. I’m doin’ somethin’ different this time. Let’s get into it.

♥

Ya know; I could see that the situation wasn’t easy on you. Despite the somewhat resigned way you spoke about it, I could see that you weren’t exactly thrilled with the way things were going. You told me as much at any rate. I know why you did the things that you did too; I understood the situation. I didn’t like it but yes, I understood it.

You didn’t need to put yourself through that though.

You know just as well as I do that the good guys and girls are the ones that are most likely to get burned in their relationships. It’s shitty, it’s not fair, but it’s the truth as we’ve both seen and it’s a lesson that we’ve both had to learn repeatedly. But you see with me? You wouldn’t have had to put up with all that. Because me? I wouldn’t have hurt you on purpose, and if and when I hurt you—because I know that I did, but, not to excuse myself or what happened, I was hurting too—I would do anything in my power to make that right. I did everything that I could to make that right. But now isn’t the time for that particular discussion.

You told me once that you were scared and that you wanted to make sure things went the right way between us. I could see that…fear without you even telling me. But you weren’t the only one afraid.

All of the hurt and pain that I’ve gone through in my past relationships? They made me into that scared girl who was hiding behind her old hurts when we first met. But then you came along and there was just somethin’ about you that…I don’t even know. For the first time, I was able to look beyond myself and because of that, I was able to see what it is that you needed.

Someone that would be there for you whenever you needed or wanted them. Someone who would see you as the king that you are and not try to play you for a fool. Someone who would never intentionally hurt you. Someone who genuinely cares about you. Someone that would give you the love that you dreamt of, the love that you truly deserve without asking for anything from you in return.

So, I gave you my heart, no strings attached in hopes that the chance we were taking would make a positive impact on your life and mine.

[listen to the lyrics]

♥