Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

I have my old thread below if you want to know where I am at, but today I am feeling much better. I still can't believe getting a post card here addressed to H and OW from a travel agent. I just can't believe that happened, but I think it was the push I needed to move on and file myself before H hurts me more or...H gets himself in so much debt taking OW places or buying OW things and I end up having to pay for half...not for me.

Today I am going to the park with my S and nephew. Tonight is our kick off service at church and I get to talk about my vision for the Sunday school. I have to start getting numbers and papers together for the L, and make sure everything is ready for the first Sunday school day Sunday.

I believe you should file. I believe that some people, (incl Lucky's H' -if you are reading- I dont buy the depression thing, sorry, he is healthy enough to have an affair or multiple affairs from what I read), need to be shown some tough love.

And awest, honey, next time he doenst answer, stop calling him. What is this? :"if there was an emergency etc etc". You CANT MAKE him be a responsible father, you cant make him pick up the phone, you cant control anything about him. Sorry it sounds cliche but it is the truth. You are using your logic and trying to force him to act like a grown up. It will NOT work that way. Trust me.

File and STAY dark. Do not answer phone calls, etc etc but for the basics. And do not connect to him the travel agent brochure with your decision so it wont look like an anger thing.

Stay strong
K

awest,
Sorry you're here, but glad that Yeah, I'd say that's adding insult to injury. Smart move taking swift, protective legal action.

Enjoy S, nephew, Service and Sunday School prep today.
Enjoy your day.
Enjoy your life.

Peace,

Kalni - I will start to do that. I only call H if S asks to talk to him, and H never answers unless I text him first to say S wants to talk to you, but I am not doing that. I haven't text H about S really. I told him about one thing that was concerning me, but otherwise I haven't communicated with him at all.

When i have said things, one thing I am sure to do is not remind him about it being his weekend this weekend. He needs to start remembering stuff on his own. He never asks for his mail so that is just piling up, but otherwise that is it. It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow if H decides to show up and get S tomorrow and Saturday.

Tomorrow I have taco night with friends and Saturday a benefit concert in honor of one of my former students/friends (from church) who passed away 2 years ago 2 weeks after graduation in a car accident. The money goes to a scholarship at my school and one for the college she was going to attend. Then sunday is the start of my term as Sunday school superintendent.

Awest, the postcard this is epic. What a douchebag, sorry for my french words. LOL.

If he comes to get his mail, I'd give it all to him, including the postcard. He'll know you know. Don't even flinch. And I think it's a great idea that you haven't told him you are filing soon so he doesn't get any sneaky ideas (moving $, etc).

Does the OW's husband know about their affair?

I don't know. This has been going on since February of 2009. He lived with OW and her husband for a month may 09, but OW's H was out of town most of the time. Last I heard H said he wouldn't ever stay there again...I don't know if it is because of OW's H knowing or not. OW's H is a college athletic trainer and is out of town a lot so I wouldn't be surprised if he is cheating on her as well.

So to answer the question...I don't know if he knows the extent this is going because when OW and my H go on a vacation or go out of town together for the past 17 months, it is when her H is gone as well.

Interesting (and crazy that he lived with them in their house).

Oh well. This is his choice so you are making a good decision, IMO.

Yes, definitely do whatever you can to protect yourself now. Do you have access to see how much money is in his accounts now in case he tries to give it to OW or hide it as soon as you file? I think that is one thing DB cannot acount for - stubborn selffish WAS's! You can DB your heart off to the T (as you did Awest), but some of these spouses are unchangeable. It's discouraging, but at least you can feel good to know that you did everything possible to try to save your M. But like the others are saying, definitely go completely dark. He does not deserve anything from you. If he wants to know something about S, he can ask, but don't even offer anything up. If it's an emergency, go to your family or friends. H won't be there for you anyways. And maybe others around here who are going thru the D too can offer advice on how to explain it to S to make the transistion as easy as possible. It's sounds like you have a busy weekend ahead, so enjoy it. Good luck!

(And Kalni - I'm here and I definitely hear you. The depression is real, but you're completely right that it cannot continue to be the "excuse" for his cheating ways. I think I'm finally getting stronger now tho! Awest's sitch is teaching me a lot about that.)

It's so hard when deep down you know the truth yet your head allows you to think, "well, maybe, if there's enough time, etc."

That postcard would hurt anyone. I just got a glimpse of a guy helping STBXW in the yard and it sent me in a week-long spiral -- and he could just be a friend.

Five years from now you'll likely be with someone totally devoted to you and you'll wonder why you put up with his crap for so long.

Yes to all of that. Sometimes we have the answers but don't want to see the reality of it. And you're right. everything always works out for the best...even if it may suck right now. Life goes on...