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Shahida Arabi
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Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery Kindle Edition

by Shahida Arabi (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.7 out of 5 stars 737 ratings
Those who have had a narcissistic parent can testify to how damaging it can be to one’s psyche. Narcissistic parents lack empathy, show a severe sense of entitlement to micromanage the lives of their children and often subject their children to neglect, as well as emotional, psychological and physical abuse. From the unique challenges daughters of narcissistic fathers face to the ways in which adverse childhood experiences affect our brains, Shahida Arabi's insightful essays resonate deeply with those who have been raised by narcissistic parents. In this new essay collection, Arabi explores how narcissistic abuse in childhood can set us up for trauma repetition in adulthood, affecting how we navigate relationships, the self, and the world. She pinpoints the toxic traits and behaviors of narcissistic mothers and fathers, exposing how covert abuse insidiously plays out in these specific dynamics. She offers the essential tools, skill sets and healing modalities for survivors who have undergone a lifetime's worth of abuse, helping them to break the cycle once and for all for future generations.
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  1. Print length
    357 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Accessibility
    Learn more
  4. Publication date
    January 23, 2019
  5. Reading age
    15 - 18 years
  6. Grade level
    12 and up
  7. File size
    3.2 MB
  8. Page Flip
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  9. Word Wise
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  10. Enhanced typesetting
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Shahida Arabi, MA, holds graduate degrees in the fields of psychology and sociology from Columbia University and Harvard University, where she graduated summa cum laude. She is the author of several bestselling books, including Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, which was a #1 Bestseller in Personality Disorders for twelve consecutive months after its release, and Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, a #1 Bestseller in Applied Psychology. She is also the author of the bestselling book The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Toxic People: How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators. Her books have been translated into multiple languages all over the world. Her work has been featured on Psychology Today, Inc., Salon, Bustle, the Huffington Post, The Meadows, Thought Catalog, and the New York Daily News. Her viral articles "Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head" and "20 Diversion Tactics Malignant Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use to Silence You" have garnered over 25 million views worldwide. Her work has been endorsed by numerous clinical psychologists, mental health practitioners, bestselling authors, and award-winning bloggers. At Harvard, she conducted one of the first large-scale research studies on survivors who had been in romantic relationships with people with both narcissistic and psychopathic traits. She has also conducted research on bullying victims and their life-course trajectories as a graduate student at Columbia University. Shahida is passionate about using her knowledge base in psychology, sociology, gender studies, and mental health advocacy, as well as her research, to help survivors of emotional and psychological trauma stage their own recovery from abuse.

Soneela Nankani is the award-winning narrator of over 300 titles in many different genres, including young adult, fantasy, romance, sci-fi, and nonfiction. A recipient of AudioFile magazine's Golden Voice Lifetime Achievement Honor, she has garnered sixteen Earphones awards as well as nominations for Audie and SOVAS awards. Her audiobooks have been featured in Best Audiobooks lists by AudioFile and the Washington Post, among others. In her spare time, she loves to read (yes, really), learn languages, try new recipes, and travel. She lives in the DC area with her husband and two mischievous daughters.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07N2MDH5C
  • Accessibility ‏ : ‎ Learn more
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 23, 2019
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3.2 MB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 357 pages
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Grade level ‏ : ‎ 12 and up
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 15 - 18 years
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 737 ratings

About the author

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Shahida Arabi

Shahida Arabi

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Shahida Arabi, M.A., holds graduate degrees in the fields of psychology and sociology from Columbia University and Harvard University, where she graduated summa cum laude. She is the author of several bestselling books, including Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, which was a #1 Bestseller in Personality Disorders for twelve consecutive months after its release, and Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, a #1 Bestseller in Applied Psychology. She is also the author of the bestselling book The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Toxic People: How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators from New Harbinger Publications, available in all major bookstores. Her books have been translated into multiple languages all over the world.

Her work has been featured on Psychology Today, Inc., Salon, Bustle, The Huffington Post, The Meadows, Thought Catalog, and the New York Daily News. Her viral articles “Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head” and “20 Diversion Tactics Malignant Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use to Silence You” have garnered over 25 million views worldwide. Her work has been endorsed by numerous clinical psychologists, mental health practitioners, bestselling authors, and award-winning bloggers.

At Harvard, she conducted one of the first large-scale research studies on survivors who had been in romantic relationships with people with both narcissistic and psychopathic traits. She has also conducted research on bullying victims and their life-course trajectories as a graduate student at Columbia University. Shahida is passionate about using her knowledge base in psychology, sociology, gender studies and mental health advocacy, as well as her research, to help survivors of emotional and psychological trauma stage their own recovery from abuse.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
737 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book enlightening and helpful, with one noting it positively impacts their lives. Moreover, the writing is well-structured, with one customer highlighting the absence of complicated medical jargon. Additionally, they appreciate its emotional depth, with one review mentioning how it unravels deep emotional wounds.

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46 customers mention "Insight"46 positive0 negative

Customers find the book enlightening and incredibly informed, providing healing information that positively impacts their lives.

"...I am working thru the healing ideas now and finding emotional peace. Arabi simply hit home and connected with me." Read more

"...on the subject, and covers narcissist traits, symptoms experienced by Adult Children of Narcissists like myself, and most importantly, exercises for..." Read more

"...Read the book if that’s your case. It will help you spot the signs of narcissism and give you “the power to observe the toxic actions of others from..." Read more

"...I also appreciate that it is more research based rather than tapping into a difficult topic with no background understanding...." Read more

19 customers mention "Readability"19 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and well-written, appreciating its level of detail and explanation. One customer notes that the author includes personal experiences where appropriate.

"I am the son of a narcissistic mother. This book described so well my experiences, and the personality traits on both sides...." Read more

"I just started reading this book and already I can tell how well written and researched it is. I’m looking forward to reading the whole thing...." Read more

"...without difficulty because of the way it's organized, the level of detail and explanation, and examples of what one might experience as an adult...." Read more

"...She breaks it down, piece by piece, so that the layman can easily decipher everything and understand. No complicated "doctor" speak...." Read more

7 customers mention "Emotional depth"7 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the emotional depth of the book, finding it compassionate and supportive, with one customer noting how it helps unravel deep emotional wounds.

"...and most importantly, exercises for self-growth, unraveling the deep emotional wounds and healing...." Read more

"...goodbye” to protect your physical, emotional, psychological, and social well-being...." Read more

"This is an incredible book. Very comprehensive and yet compassionate at the same time...." Read more

"...Good insight on the narcissist’s behavior and how it touches all family members. Provides strategies on avoiding further abuse." Read more

Validating
5 out of 5 stars
Validating
I just started reading this book and already I can tell how well written and researched it is. I’m looking forward to reading the whole thing. I wanted to post pictures of the table of contents and the introduction because I thought it would be helpful to others.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Allen L. Weedman
    5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening & Informative
    Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    I am the son of a narcissistic mother. This book described so well my experiences, and the personality traits on both sides. I've read other books on the subject and while they were good, this is the gem in my opinion. I am working thru the healing ideas now and finding emotional peace. Arabi simply hit home and connected with me.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • private
    5.0 out of 5 stars An unbelievably superb book. A must for an ACON!
    Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    I have read a number of books on NPD. While each has its merits, Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists is exceptional. It is probably the most comprehensive book I have read on the subject, and covers narcissist traits, symptoms experienced by Adult Children of Narcissists like myself, and most importantly, exercises for self-growth, unraveling the deep emotional wounds and healing. If you have ever felt alone in your struggle, reading this will change that. There is an entire chapter dedicated to survey responses from those who have experienced narcissist abuse. Can’t recommend this book enough. Thank you to Ms. Arabi for sharing your brilliant work with those of us who have a great need for this material.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Ksenía
    5.0 out of 5 stars I’m glad I stumbled across this book.
    Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    I stumbled across this book by chance. And I’m glad. I recommend it to anyone trying to spread their beautiful wings and break free from the false feeling of guilt, shame, self-blame, unworthiness, etc.
    It might help you understand if the root of your misfortunes and mental burden is hidden deep in your childhood, and learn about your superpowers. Do you have people in your life who instead of lifting you up, downgrade you? Do you feel that you have to constantly prove that you are worthy? Good news—you are worthy! Read the book if that’s your case. It will help you spot the signs of narcissism and give you “the power to observe the toxic actions of others from a detached perspective. When we are allowed to observe the chaos from a place of calm observation, we can then better look for solutions rather than continuing to feed into the problem.”

    The author highlights the necessity to set healthy boundaries with mentally immature parents, and sometimes even to say “goodbye” to protect your physical, emotional, psychological, and social well-being. I agree with her message to not allow hate and evil thoughts make your heart bitter. Whatever you have been through, be more self-compassionate, and show compassion to others, because God is love, and you are His child, and you must honor what honors God. And this theme is much better covered in the book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa Terkeurs —I sincerely recommend it!

    “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” Christ Jesus, Lord and Savior
    33 people found this helpful
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  • Amber Rubinson
    4.0 out of 5 stars A good guide for a hard journey
    Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    I have read many books on narcissism and how to heal and grow from being raised in it. Unlike this book, most others tend to be solely opinion based and don't understand nearly the depth of the issue. This book provides not only names to issues, but also steps to overcome those issues. I also appreciate that it is more research based rather than tapping into a difficult topic with no background understanding. I would highly recommend this to anyone who has struggled, or struggles, with this.
    5 people found this helpful
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  • Treehugger
    5.0 out of 5 stars Validating
    Reviewed in the United States on June 17, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    I just started reading this book and already I can tell how well written and researched it is. I’m looking forward to reading the whole thing. I wanted to post pictures of the table of contents and the introduction because I thought it would be helpful to others.
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    Treehugger
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    Validating

    Reviewed in the United States on June 17, 2024
    I just started reading this book and already I can tell how well written and researched it is. I’m looking forward to reading the whole thing. I wanted to post pictures of the table of contents and the introduction because I thought it would be helpful to others.
    Images in this review
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    11 people found this helpful
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  • Cheryl
    5.0 out of 5 stars Fabulous starter book
    Reviewed in the United States on October 24, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    I spent 10 years trying to fix my problems on my own, because I thought that there was something wrong with me as a person, that I was defective. I never understood how deep the problem really was until I read this book. This book motivated me so much, I was able to both accept responsibility for what was mine and to stop obsessing over and trying to fix what was never mine to deal with in the first place. It helped me to realise that I didn't have to fix it alone, and that I wasn't weak for needing help to fix things.

    This book taught me to set boundaries, and doing so allowed me enough space that I was able to get into therapy with an empathetic, trauma specialised professional. I was able to avoid the dangerous and negative therapists that are out there, the types of invalidating people I have run into in the past. Those negative experiences kept me from trying to find someone better, but this book helped me to try again.

    Therapy is what gave me the space to make the greatest progress, and without this book I never would have made it there.

    I not only read this book, I gave it to a sibling, and they passed it on to another friend. I also bought another copy for a different relative. I definitely, whole heartedly recommend this book, especially if you are from a similar cultural background as the author.
    29 people found this helpful
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  • Lady Lazarus
    5.0 out of 5 stars Wish I had it 20 years ago
    Reviewed in the United States on July 19, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    I cannot adequately express the extent to which this book continues to positively impact my life. From the first paragraph in the Introduction, I felt as if the author were narrating my life. Although I am an easily distracted reader, I have been able to focus on the content without difficulty because of the way it's organized, the level of detail and explanation, and examples of what one might experience as an adult. This book is giving me:
    1. The benefit of naming and organizing all of the "stuff" I have been carrying since childhood
    2. Validation in knowing that I'm not defective, my parent with NPD was
    3. Reassurance in that I am not the only one with these awful childhood experiences
    4. The opportunity for healing
    5. Hope

    I am definitely pro-therapy/counseling, but this book has done something critical for me that I didn't get or wasn't able to accept through counseling. I now have the perspective I need to shed the cloak of pain, shame, and distorted self-image. I recognize this as a lot of credit for one book. However, the content and presentation are exactly what I needed, and I am so grateful.
    102 people found this helpful
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  • Kennedie
    5.0 out of 5 stars Love this book
    Reviewed in the United States on September 27, 2024
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    This book provides a ton of detail and great information. I found this book very beneficial in my life.
    2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Gekkabishin
    4.0 out of 5 stars Many resources for healing
    Reviewed in Spain on December 31, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    Many many techniques in this wonderful workbook, written with humanity and knowledge. Easy to read. Insightful. Hope. The Kindle matchbook program can't seem to work, so in order to open the links you'll need to get the kindle edition.
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  • tamsin64
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best book on narcissism
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 22, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    This is easily the best book I have read about narcissistic abuse- and I have read a lot! Having been abused in every way by both of my parents and then ended up in a 30 year toxic marriage this book explores both of those aspects and shows so clearly how one can lead to the other. Very clearly written with many useful links and examples. Now giving it to my daughter who is just starting to work on issues caused by her narcissistic father. Highly recommended.
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  • El Ayachi HADEK
    5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a miracle
    Reviewed in France on July 9, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    It covers all aspects of the victims trap. I send you love and gratitude for using your inherited perfection to help us going through this malicious trap!
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  • Bruno Duarte
    5.0 out of 5 stars Libertador
    Reviewed in Brazil on October 9, 2019
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    Se você se sente estranho, desvalorizado, inferior, vive se comparando com outras pessoas, sempre se envolve com pessoas tóxicas, está infeliz no trabalho, acredita que tem algo errado com a sua vida então leia esse livro o quanto antes.

    A descoberta de que você foi criado por pai ou mãe com essa terrivel patologia chamada Narcisismo (e suas diversas ramificações) é chocante e pesada mas fundamental para você se libertar de uma vida de repetições e auto sabotagem a nível subconsciente.

    A autora é direta ao ponto e detalha as características sórdidas e atitudes covardes da personalidade de pais narcisistas em relação a seus filhos.

    E vai além: traz um pouco das consequências e das prováveis patologias que você acaba desenvolvendo.

    Esse abuso sofrido na infância te leva a se relacionar com pessoas perigosas na vida adulta, trazendo ciclos de repetições intermináveis, a conclusão de que a vida não vale a pena, o esgotamento físico e mental, provocando um possível colapso.

    Não encontrei uma versão traduzida desse livro. No entanto, ler esse tipo de assunto em inglês é a melhor opção pois, dependendo da tradução, a leitura fica prejudicada.

    Livros assim deveriam ser divulgados à exaustão. Doenças mentais não tratadas podem, definitivamente, acabar com a qualidade de vida e destruir gerações da mesma família.
    One person found this helpful
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  • kiki
    5.0 out of 5 stars Read this review if you are somewhat undecided.
    Reviewed in Canada on May 14, 2020
    Verified Purchase
    If you are here looking at reviews it is a safe bet that you have read other books or are trying to decide between two books.

    I just started reading this book. I have also read "You're not crazy, it's your mother" by Dani Morrigan. This book hits it far closer in my opinion. Right from the start.

    They both have a place with Danis book geared more towards daughters.

    Shahidas book to me is closer to those who had more siblings. My mother had 5 children 2 boys and 3 girls. So her abuse took several ranges and forms. Dani's book looks at the abuse on a more one on one basis between females. Shahidas book looks at the whole.

    I was the last born so she never had the chance to target me with jealousy as if I was a grown woman. By the time I grew up she was physically out the picture which insulated me to a degree but it did not stop her from finding other ways to inflict abuse.

    Danis book really goes into that one on one competitiveness between mother and daughter. That nastiness.

    I will come back and update this. If you haven't read either I would suggest you start with Shahidas book then follow up with Danis book. It will give you a good foundation before you fine tune it to the mother daughter dynamic.

    They are both what you need. God bless you all in your healing journeys. It is not easy. Persist on your path to healing do not be discouraged. We are not alone.

    June/1/2020 update
    I read a few pages every day and make notes on post it notes on the parts that resonate. I am on page 30 and the notes are every where. You can't blitz through this book because it will really bring out a lot of heavy memories.

    One thing for sure it tells me I made the best choice going no contact with my mother. I don't talk to my sisters but I feel with counselling we can repair that however a relationship with my mother is out the question.

    Have courage to face the darkness so you can see the light. Blessings.
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