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Cracked Surface Hardcover – August 1, 2020
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Cracked Surface is the sequel to Surface Tension and continues exploring my personal struggle with the desire to lead a "normal" life through the eyes of David Mathew. In Surface Tension, David is sixteen years old, represents the USA, and wins the gold medal at the 1979 World Springboard and Platform Diving Championships in Tønsberg, Norway. David has a secret. In spite of his unprecedented victory, he attempts to hide his tumultuous journey of grooming, manipulation, coercion, and sexual abuse by coaches, benefactors, and medical team he trusted. With his dreams of Olympic glory put on hiatus due to President Carter's boycott of the 1980 Summer Olympic Games in Moscow, Russia, David relocates to California to focus on the 1984 Olympics.
Cracked Surface continues with David attending the University of California as a pre-med major on academic and athletic scholarships. An encounter with Jennifer, a sorority pledge and theatre major, leads David to help with her audition for the fall play. David gets a part in The Visit of the Old Lady, a lead role in Single Parents a Movie of the Week, and an extra role on ABC's General Hospital. David's hopes for normalcy shatter when he finds himself in a clinic and cannot remember where or what had happened the previous evening. Shame and guilt engulf him as he tries to suppress his secret, but at the NCAA Qualifying Diving meet, David blacks out. Without time to put the pieces together, he steps away from school and diving and returns to the farm in Aulden, Ohio to recuperate.
While regaining his strength in Aulden, David's decides to take a year off and attend Wright State University's Theatre Department to develop his acting and dancing talents, reinvent himself, and explore his spirituality before returning to Hollywood.
Cracked Surface demonstrates the struggles and challenges sexually abused people endure as they try to live a normal life. My story of being a sixteen-year-old elite athlete passed around was only the beginning of a lifelong struggle with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. One-in-six males are sexually abused before the age of eighteen. The recent allegations brought against the US Gymnastic and other sporting entities have shed some light on this growing epidemic, but male athletes have been sexually abused for many years and are still in hiding because of societal beliefs that it is just hazing, initiation, the rite of passage, or they myth "males can't be sexually abused." Sexual abuse is only the springboard; the effects may not become evident or recognized until much later in life. By sharing my story, I hope to shed some light on how a sexually abused person attempts to reinvent, adapt, and assimilate to fit into society-but are never able to escape the deep seeded pain without facing the past and finding their true self.
- Print length338 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherJohn-Michael Lander
- Publication dateAugust 1, 2020
- Dimensions6 x 0.88 x 9 inches
- ISBN-100578686589
- ISBN-13978-0578686585
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Product details
- Publisher : John-Michael Lander
- Publication date : August 1, 2020
- Language : English
- Print length : 338 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0578686589
- ISBN-13 : 978-0578686585
- Item Weight : 1.46 pounds
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.88 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #6,642 in Biographical Fiction (Books)
- #9,735 in LGBTQ+ Genre Fiction (Books)
- #16,908 in Psychological Fiction (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

John-Michael Lander is creating a voice. Through writing, speaking, and consulting, he helps individuals and organizations identify the signs of grooming, manipulating, and stigmatizing of sexual abuse and how to help survivors (of any type of abuse) face the past and find their true self.
John-Michael battled with finding his true self and authentic voice. As an elite athlete, he endured sexual abuse from coaches, benefactors, and medical team which resulted in years of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and even suicide attempts.
Today, John-Michael is passionate about helping people face the past and find their true self; educating parents, guardians, coaches, teachers, and officials how to spot and recognize the signs of abuse.
John-Michael represented the USA in international Springboard and Platform diving competitions. His entertainment experiences include performing on General Hospital, All My Children, and national commercials; the lead in the independent films All the Rage and Pilgrim; and originating many roles on New York stages. He taught high school English for seven years at the nationally recognized Stivers High School of the Arts in Dayton, Ohio.
John-Michael presented the speech “An Athlete’s Silence” at the TEDxDayton 2018 Convention and the 2019 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Global Summit in Washington, D.C. He has spoken at PFLAG and recorded several TV and radio interviews about abuse, spiritual journey, and finding his true self.
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- Reviewed in the United States on October 4, 2020Cracked Surface is a fascinating read. It pulls you into the confusing, traumatic world of David Matthew, a young teen who has every aspect of his life twisted and controlled by forces and people beyond his control. It draws you into the agony of an older David in college trying to untangle the mess and figure out who he really is. Cracked Surface is not an easy book to read because of the abuse it describes, often in detail, but if you want to see below the surface of what systemic abuse looks like, take a deep breath and dive in. You will come out chilled to the core but hopefully with your eyes wide open to the underbelly of the sports world that needs to be exposed.
Dianne Darr Couts,
Author, Speaker and Advocate for Abuse Victims in Religious Settings
- Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2020A companion to his 2017 "Surface Tension", "Cracked Surface" continues the unpeeling of a life maimed by emotional and sexual abuse. Like the earlier book, parts of "Cracked Surface" are troubling to read but the story is eloquently told; Lander is an excellent story-teller and propels his story through convincing dialogues. It has the sense of a second book in a trilogy, and if so I look forward to the next volume. Highly recommended.