Editor’s note: Today’s Guest Room drop comes from GORDON GARTRELLE at the website We Are Respectable Negroes. Without a doubt, this is the important information that AL GORE created the internets for.
5 Black Male Hairstyles And What They Say About Those Who Wear Them
This Friday Five was inspired by Billy Sunday’s classic “Guide to Black Women’s Hair.”
You know the old adage—women assess a man’s status by examining his shoes? That bit of advice isn’t as useful as it used to be. Grad school has made me broke as a joke, yet I own pairs of Gucci and Prada shoes (they were gifts); a guy in baby blue gators once begged me for money on the street; and I know a few guys who are pulling down six figures, but wear busted Pro Keds. Plus, the popularity of throwback kicks has leveled the field, so it’s more difficult than ever to gauge a man’s personality and life chances by looking at what he wears on his feet. Thus, many women have shifted their focus from toe to head. As a public service to the few black women who don’t already know this stuff, I thought that I’d relay what I’ve learned about what certain hairstyles reveal about the black men who rock them. This knowledge comes from observing brothers 1st hand as well as from “conversating” with black women.
1.) Box
Look, I understand that our African brothers and American negroes from age 45 on tend to be a little behind fashion-wise, so I cut them a little slack. But if you are a black man in America and you are relatively young, there’s absolutely no excuse to have a box.
Says:
2.) Curl
Here’s my question: Do chefs with jheri curls need extra thick hats to prevent the paper from becoming transparent, disintegrating, and catching on fire?
Says:
3. Shag
Ah, the Shag(adelic). Though the shag and the mullet are brothers from another mother, the former doesn’t quite have the ironic appeal for black people as the latter has for white folks. But the shag is an enduring negro hairstyle that’ll be around 50 years from now. I’m not sure we can say the same for the mullet.
Says:
4.) Process
I can understand why black women spend a fortune to chemically scorch their scalps and go bald by 40. Few are happy to be nappy, and they need that promotion at work, right? What on earth would possess a man to fry his wig, though?
Says:
5.) Unkempt cornrows
Not a fan of cornrows, but if you’re gonna wear em, keep em tight.
Says:
STONEY MUFUCKIN JACKSON!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
DAMN FINE POST! I wanted to be first on this one. Still, this is a DP classic as someone put their own spin on the style of Dallas Penn like I’ve been trying to do for the past year.
Awesome post. I don’t know where in the hell you guys find these photos.
Thanks for the love. I feel like an Internets Celebrity!
Unkept cornrows are a womans worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What woman would want a man with unkept cornrows that doubleback as a lintbrush, including but not limited to: bread twist ties, dust, insects, dried macaroni, dirt, and sweat that smells like sour milk under a baby’s neck.
NOTE TO THE FELLAS: CORNROWS (KEPT OR UNKEPT) ON A MAN IS NOT THE BIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KEEP IT CUT AND CLEAN! (JUST LIKE THE PEEN)
REGARDS
A GROWN ASS WOMAN
I remember my childhood barber yelling at my brother and I for using Duke’s Pomade because it gave you terrible dandruff. I got so damn sick of the Endless Pursuit Of Waves during the 80’s that once 1989 hit I told my barber to cut me bald or “as close as possible”. In 1992, I bought my own damn clippers and went bald fulltime. Then Onyx came out the next year and everyone thought I was the “bald nigga bandwagon”.
Good times.
One.
great post!
/\ I had locs either on the verge in or full bloom since 95 and I’ve gone from: Crazy-rasta-revolutionary to Thug. I went from why would you do that to you need maintenance. The only ones who have been steady with me are dudes who sell weed.
COMEDY CENTRAL… For more info on the “BOX” please reference the DallasPennkepedia entry – http://dallaspenn.com/weblog/?p=1860
I do admit I did have a box cut growing up
ROTFLMMFAO at the “says:”
*dies into tears*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LMAO!!
Oooo I hate you right now. I had to scroll SLOWLY because I couldn’t stop laughing at each picture that popped up. OMG!!
((raising hand)) I am guilty of dating guys (when I was in HIGH SCHOOL) that sported jheri curls. I mean…it WAS the 80s yanno…
What about the guys that used to rock the LONG ass duck tails? Or those weird cuts like the GUMBY? Well…nevermind about guys who rocked the gumby…we already see how Bobby Brown turned out…lol
Shit is brilliant.
Hair is a serious issue man!
Never had box, but I did have a high top fade (there’s a difference!)
Curl and shag!?! Nah, never!!
Cornrows requires $eriou$ maintenance and some one once told me that you will get used to the itching. I DON’T THINK SO!!
These posts on hair can go on and on and on.
I’m sorry though, but the mullets are far worse than the shag!!
Lord, there are tears coming out of my eyes now! Whooooooo! Ok, there are so many things I want to comment on, lol. Ok:
1) When I lived in Cali in the early 80s, we thought a buy was cute if he had a “swinging curl.”
2) My boy Vlad (search my blog) rocks a box – and yes hes over 45!
3)LMBFBOOO@ “I own all of the Commodores albums.” Thats just wrong!
L
As a former Black panther, I will always stick with the boxed out look.