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How Wrong Are You About Tuition Fees?

We're always hearing about kids who are becoming sweet-smugglers/sugar-babies/sex-workers because otherwise they wouldn't be able to afford tuition fees. So it must be a lot, right?

Obviously. Because you don't have to pay them up front.   
Pro-tip: if you become a journalist when you graduate, you can always add a bit of spice to almost any article about young people by adding "because they are unable to afford £9k tuition fees". Nobody will know.

What proportion of young people are unable to go to uni because they cannot afford £9k fees

I mean, it's still a debt and all. Everyone knows being in debt is serious.

You don't have to pay unless you can afford it. If you're earning below £21k, you pay nothing. If you're earning £25k you pay back £30 a month. Crippling.

Crippling? Hardly.

But you'll still be lumbered with crippling debt, right?

It's a debt after all. Debts don't just disappear if you forget about them.

No, actually it will just go away if you forget about it. It gets completely written off after 30 years, no matter how much there is left. And it won't get any worse if you leave it to grow. The proportion of your income you repay (9% above £21k) never changes.

False

But you'll have to pay it off some day, otherwise it will just get worse and worse.

It's a debt! That's what credit ratings are for!

From The Independent:  
Myth 4: "The student loan will affect your credit score"  
Taking out a student loan does not affect your credit rating and won't show up on any report.  
When you apply for a mortgage, loan or credit card in the future the only way that these companies can know if you have a student loan is if they ask you on your application.  
If they do take your student loan repayments into consideration it will likely be used to better calculate your net earnings. In fact, because you pay back less per year under the new system you could turn out better off.  
http://www.independent.co.uk/student/student-life/9-common-myths-about-your-student-loan-8794151.html

Nope.

Right, but it still affects your credit rating, doesn't it?

It automatically comes out of your paycheque. Just like a, um, tax.

Actually it is going to just pay itself.

It's still another thing to worry about, though. No getting away from that, is there?

Because of the effect of hard-up students not paying off their debt in full before it's written off, the most well-off graduates end up paying a lot more.  
Note for the pedantic:
Unfortunately, there is a slight hiccup, in that the richest pay less than the slightly less rich. That's because student debt, for some reason, accrues interest at 3% above inflation. There are two ways to fix that. You could peg the interest to inflation, which would cost the taxpayer extra. Or, you could increase tuition fees, so that the richest carry on paying for the full 30 years, which would cost the taxpayer less. Guess which one of those two is more politically toxic.

£9k fees are fairly progressive

But it's not a tax, is it, because with taxes, the rich pay more than the poor.

It's not burdensome, it doesn't really get worse if you leave it for a long time, it just goes away if you don't pay it off in full, it doesn't show up on your credit report, you don't need to remember to pay it, and the rich pay more than the poor.

So... it doesn't have any of the features associated with debt?

What with HMRC taking it out of your paycheque automatically, it being a percentage of your income above a certain threshold, and it being relatively progressive.

And... it kind of looks an awful lot like a tax, doesn't it?

In fact, it seems the only reason the government didn't decide to call it that is because of a legal technicality.   
In the words of John Rentoul: "Another argument that weighed heavily with Clegg and Vince Cable, when they decided to keep the Blair-Clarke model and to triple fees to £9,000, was that a graduate tax could not be levied on graduates living overseas. Had they opted for it, English and Welsh universities would have been required to offer free places to all EU students with no way of paying for them."
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/on-tuition-fees-we-aint-seen-nothing-yet-9673647.html

Uh huh!

So, given all of that, what's the most accurate name for this system?

McVities' lawyers managed to persuade a judge that a Jaffa Cake is a good, proper VAT-exempt cake.

Yep. 

Apropos of nothing, what is the legal classification of a Jaffa Cake?

No, it clearly is not a cake.

Does that make it a cake?

If we were having a picnic, to which I promised not to bring cake, and I brought some Jaffa Cakes, what would be the appropriate response?

Did you get that reference?

How do you feel about Nick Clegg now?

And did Clegg break his promise?

Under the old system, we had to pay back 9% of everything we earned above £15k. That means a much greater burden. Plus, it was less progressive, because the rich paid no more than the poor, and sometimes less. It really did resemble a debt much more than a tax.   
And on top of that, the new system has allowed universities to educate many more people than before, with dramatic rises in students from disadvantaged and ethnic minority backgrounds.

Significantly better

But hang on, is the new system very different from the old system?

Because not only would that amount to a big old tax cut for already comfortably-off grads, and diddly squat for struggling grads... it would also have to be paid for by the taxpayer, including all those struggling grads!

Worse.

But things would be even better if Labour get in and reduce tuition fees to £6k right?

Meanwhile, the Lib Dems are getting shit for implementing a policy which sounds bad, but which actually makes the worst-off graduates better off.

You're learning.

And how do you feel about that?

The cake is a lie.

And the moral of the story is...

You are not at all ignorant about tuition fees!

You probably think TTIP is going to lead to the privatisation of the NHS

You're confused.

You probably think Russell Brand has a very good point about numbers being all made up

You know nothing.

<p>Today, Clegg was asked where he stands on the issue.</p>

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How Wrong Are You About Tuition Fees?

The cake is a lie.

View this video on YouTube

Update

How Wrong Are You About Tuition Fees?

The cake is a lie.

View this video on YouTube

Update

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